Posts Tagged ‘stress’

I have said before what a daunting task it is to be a mother. I never knew how difficult it was. My mom made it look FAR too easy. The house was always clean and squared away, dinner was always ‘presented’ to us all gathered at the table each night, we never had a lack of clean underwear, and we even enjoyed many a vacation to Disney World, or Six Flags or …..

These are all things that I can’t even FATHOM accomplishing ONCE, nonetheless, EVERY day! I am lucky to have toilets clean and beds dressed. Dinner is a fly-by invention that is eatean in shifts, at best. The laundry is a constant struggle to keep up and vacation?? Seriously? NOT even on the radar.

Here, we struggle with the normal juggling of a family of three kids, a psycho ex-husband, a family pet, and dysfunctional families…except mix in a load of mourning for the death of a daughter/step-daughter/sister, a FULL cup of Cystic Fibrosis and the medical regimen, and a dash of related regrets and stresses. I often feel like I am just barely treading water a lot of the time.

And so, enter the past few months. We have conquered baby girl starting Kindergarten and mommy’s subsequent depression, resulting in the addition of a puppy to keep her company. We have started cheer and cub scouts and RA’s; bussing kids to and fro, but enrich their experiences, I must! Signed up and paid for three field trips, and agreed to chaperone each of them (can’t do just one for fear of jealousy and broken hearts!). And administering benadryl, claritins and breathing treatments daily to attempt to survive the cold season.

I am exhausted, to say the least. My husband and I flirt through out the work day, fantasizing about being intimate again. Only to have finally put everyone to bed and sit to relax, we are too tired to take the time for each other and fall asleep on the couch; awaking with cricks in our neck and knots in our backs. Alas, another day of the same chaos and messy juggle.

Add to this current juggle, the dilemma I currently face. The internal dialogue, the fear of failure and mistakes are haunting me as I type. My eldest (boy, 9) has CF and is currently fighting hard the same colds that the other two are weathering. Only he can’t fight when CF keeps him held back. It is time for a “tune-up.” The infamous 10 to 14 day hospital admittance full of breathing treatments, chest pt’s, finger pricks, and IV antibiotics. All of life and obligations are placed on hold to get him back up and running at his normal tilt. These visits normally come with more surprise and are suggested during our clinic visits (every 3 months), but every so often, I can tell that it’s just time.

So, here I start on another juggle. The placement of the younger two with trustworthy help for the next few weeks, checking in from afar, while I tend to my tough little CFer. Still, the homework must be done, the field trips still attended, the bills still paid, the husband brushed past in frantic travel from one place to another, the laundry still has to be seen and the dog still has to be fed. STEP RIGHT UP! TIME TO SEE THE SHOW!